day, I began writing my first novel that I intend to publish!
I logged 1700 words or so and completed a prologue in an hour and a half or so… at 7am, no less! I was so proud and excited!… and then I let my husband read it.
Now, don’t get me wrong: my husband loves me and constantly pushes me to become a better person. Like yesterday, when we did an interval run together. I wanted to quit and cry but he made me finish… with my head held high and everything. So don’t think I’m dogging on my husband when I say this:
He gave me feedback. And I had all the doubts.
Of course, he said it was good and he liked it. But why is it so short?, he asks me.
I had been quite happy with my 1700 words.
And even though that was all he said, I had a million other worries: what if my idea is too short? What if it’s too shallow? What if I can’t finish? What if I do finish, and no one likes it? And thus we spiral downward into a hundred self-doubts.
That’s generally what it sounds like inside my head.
As I reflected on my chronic self-doubt, another thought came into my head:
God would not give me this gift if he didn’t expect me to use it.
So who am I to tell him no? So what if I have all the worries and doubts? That’s not my job. My job is to be faithful, and to write. And to share my gifts. And to love my husband for his dedication to my self-improvement.
All of these reasons are why I’m beginning a SeptNoWriMo, per se: a September Novel Writing Month. I intend to hammer out a first Draft of my novel. I’ve done it before; this shouldn’t be impossible if I keep my head in the game!
I’ll be working two overnights this month, so I started a bit early to compensate. I can do what I want! 😉
But I’m 25 years old, for heaven’s sake. If I don’t write now, then when? If I don’t share my story, then who will?
In all things, may God be glorified. Even through my self-doubts. And even though my imperfect writing challenges.
How do you combat self-doubt?