“Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender… without losing all control?”
I stumbled across this old old song by Casting Crowns and while I honestly don’t listen to much Christian music (for reasons I’ll spare you from), this one absolutely speaks to me right now.
I’m transitioning in just abo it every aspect of my life. I’m moving, just applied for a new job, trying to get all those details worked out… so needless to say, my spiritual life is in pretty high flux too.
The part that sticks out to me most from the song is the idea of surrender. I want to surrender, but I also want that control. Ironically enough, I’m afraid to relinquish control… as if there’s a better God to place my trust in. Baby steps. I can’t seem to jump off all at once.
Luckily, things have been working out pretty well with the whole move thing, so I’m honestly just doing my best to stay out of the way while God works in my life. It’s difficult to find the balance between being passive and surrendering. Hmm.
And the icing on the cake is this: I’ve been so busy doing everything else and trying to have a good Lent that I’ve neglected my creativity, which is a real shame, because a good part of my creativity is linked to my spirituality.
I haven’t done any creative things (except make a birthday card with my sister, and some table runners as a present) and I can feel it. I can tell that part of me is parched. I need a big glass of metaphorical water.
Maybe tomorrow’s the day. Tonight, it’s too late, but tomorrow? Maybe tomorrow will be a renewal of my week. I just hope that “tomorrow’s” not a metaphor too.
Wish me luck! And best of luck to you all in all your endeavors!