Let me make one thing clear: I’m not “giving up on Nanowrimo:” I fully intend to return to this story in a few days or weeks. I’m also not “quitting Nanowrimo:” that involves a sense of anger and hopelessness, but I’m not either one of those.
Backstory: This is my third year doing Nanowrimo. I love the community, the challenge, the thrill… the productivity. I’ve won twice before, so it’s not like I can’t do it: I’ve done it before. But this year, I’m not finishing. On purpose.
In order to fully understand my decision, we must first ponder this question: why did I choose to do Nanowrimo in the first place? A couple of reasons:
1. Because I like to write and I think it’s fun (But, I like to write short things just as much as I like to write long things. Invalid reason).
2. I wanted to share my story (I’m already doing that here on this blog, and I currently enjoy blogging better than Nano-ing).
3. I always learn an interesting lesson about myself through my story’s subconscious undertones, and I wanted to give my subconscious a chance to speak. *ding-ding-ding,* we have a winner!
This time, rather than learning a lesson from my book, I think I’m learning a lesson from my life. You see, it’s been my philosophy for quite some time now that you can’t force creativity. It just doesn’t work. I’m causing myself a lot of undue stress trying to fit this square peg (writing this specific novel) into a round hole (my desire to blog and draw). The two just don’t work together. Not right now.
And I choose to say that that’s okay.
I hereby choose to liberate myself from the guilt of not fulfilling Nanowrimo. This is not the time, not for me. I wish all you other participants the best of luck with word counts and goals. I will still be writing, but without the unnecessary pressure (pressure can be good and help get things accomplished, but right now, in my life circumstances, it’s just not working). Most importantly, family and friends come first. I will be spending less time introverting and more time with the people I love. The longer I live, the more I realize that I am so blessed, and I can’t afford to miss one more minute.
I will be writing in my free time not because I am being forced to; I will be writing and creating because I love to do these things and to share them with others: it’s a part of who I am.
PS: check back tomorrow night for a deeper reflection on this topic and a neighbor topic I’ve been working on over the past few days. It’s a good one!